The Same Deep Water As You (21/54)

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Banner by natsukashi_yume

The Same Deep Water As You
by solo____ & jo_lasalle
Pairing: Kamenashi Kazuya / Akanishi Jin
Rating: Explicit
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Alternate Universe fiction. None of this is true.
Warnings: If there are any warnings for this story, you will find them here.
Summary: Kame's got his reasons for seeing prostitutes. Jin's got his reasons for being one. Life is pretty screwed up.
Notes: Story notes, acknowledgements and frantically reiterated disclaimers are here.

Previous chapters | Current chapter

Kamenashi says things like, "Please, help yourself to more," and "Do you mind if I top up your wine?" and Jin says things like, "This is really delicious," and "Thank you, yes, please." The minutes move slowly.

 

Comments

[secretobssesion.livejournal.com]

This is getting way too interesting :D
update soon!

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

They both find it 'interesting' too, though probably not in the nice way. ;-) Thank you for commenting, we're glad you enjoyed!

[ayalonet.livejournal.com]

Hello there! First time commenting on this fic :) since the other reviewers are doing such a good job, I always think that my comment will be misunderstood.. But here goes.

First, let me say how much I love this story. I may be repetitive as the other reviews but I want to commend you on the detailed scenes and the vivid writing which makes it fascinating to read your work, and like the others I look forward to your updates every Thursday :D

Saying that, I expected so much from this encounter between them and had hopes for them to actually communicate :(
This tense atmosphere and that painful circling around each other is just too frustrating. We past over a third portion of this story and yet it seems we're back where we started and they are still in that same deep
water..
Lol, It's like I'm watching a movie in slow motion were the characters take forever to complete a scene, and by the end of it I feel deprived.. Does it make sense?!

I'm sorry for the rant but this is such a goooood fic! And something needs to give, you know? some well deserved fluff, or a range of emotions other than fear, contempt and pain >_< (Where is the Akame in this Akame fic? XD It's there I know it is.. It's just needs to happen.)

I loved the scene with the cat :( It showed Jin a softer, unexpected side of Kame like that old man who didn't get him sceen time but revealed a genuine side that only Jin seemed to notice.
It was a ray of light (albeit faint XD) in that gloomy dinner, because that part,"Cats. Stray dirty cats and Tatsuya and tenants and Yuu–chan and the youth of Japan. Kamenashi likes everybody more than Jin." Just broke my heart. Oh Jin :(

It's almost funny and so sad how Jin totally missed Kame's deep dark confession about the ex and that ruined his life, the secret key to understand what makes kame tick so wrongly when it comes to Jin and how Jin just brushed him off completely, sending Kame back to his defensive shield and cruel demeanor scratching Jin like that cat did to him. I felt the whore like a slap in my face instead of Jin's. Oh Kame :(

I really want to shake them and hug them in the same time..Oh these two.. they're such lost souls.
Indeed a fustrating duo XD.

Thank you for another great update! :D

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Ayalonet:
Hiya! We're glad you took the leap, especially in the face of LJ doing what LJ's been doing the last few days, because this is an awesome comment! SRSLY, there's no such thing as a boring comment when you're posting stories, we love them both long and short, and we love to know someone's reading, really. So, hi! :-)

We do hear you on the circling around each other and the frustration aspect of their current state. But... it's complicated! ;-) We hope it'll become clearer that they're not quite where they started anymore, though of course they're clearly also not yet where the reasonable Akame fan (us included) would like them to be, either. And yes, we think your comment on this makes total sense! sorry for the tease... :-)

The shaking and hugging double impulse is totally understandable in our opinion. We feel like that a lot.

Glad you enjoyed the cat! It was a welcome break for Kame too, even though Jin really couldn't make sense of Kame suddenly being a nice guy. also sorry for the heartbreak... except not really... :-p

It's also a good observation that Jin totally missed stuff about what Kame was saying because of how he currently feels about Kame. He can't help it, understandably enough, but yeah, that did not exactly get them closer together. >.<

And we promise there will be Akame in this, actual Akame! Just hang in there a bit longer? *g*

Thank you so much for this great comment! We hope it'll stay interesting and, uh, become less frustrating in future chapters!

[silverrain184.livejournal.com]

and back to square one...
Why was I so full of hope? Kame...man...I don't even have anything to say anymore.

Now the big question for me is, how will things progress from here? Jin will probably always take his appointments, just because he's not scared and it's a job, however hard it is.
I'd still love to see him decline, just to shout a loud 'in your face' on my side of the screen.

Please Jin, get wealthy enough to not need this anymore, I really wish he could get out of there sooner than later. It's painful to read about his fucked up life and I can't stand seeing him degraded as a whore ;__;

Kame! Get your shit together! You tried to make things better, which you're obviously not able to so grasp a sane moment and stop booking a whore you can't work with.

Argh, it's so frustrating!
I mean, I get it that Kame wanted to do things right but Jin didn't 'let' him because he didn't know what Kame wanted from him but what did he expect? That they suddenly forget the true nature of the appointment?

I think, even though Kame figured out what was wrong and that Jin is NOT his ex and they're past the relating, he, in the end only did it differently but as bad as before. This time not with punishment but the true longing he still has for the person who ruined his life (btw, I loved Jin's sarcastic thoughts as usual!)
In the end, Jin is still just an object of projection,

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and back to square one...
Why was I so full of hope? Kame...man...I don't even have anything to say anymore.

Now the big question for me is, how will things progress from here? Jin will probably always take his appointments, just because he's not scared and it's a job, however hard it is.
I'd still love to see him decline, just to shout a loud 'in your face' on my side of the screen.

Please Jin, get wealthy enough to not need this anymore, I really wish he could get out of there sooner than later. It's painful to read about his fucked up life and I can't stand seeing him degraded as <i>a whore</i> ;__;

Kame! Get your shit together! You tried to make things better, which you're obviously not able to so grasp a sane moment and stop booking <i>a whore</i> you can't work with.

Argh, it's so frustrating!
I mean, I get it that Kame wanted to do things right but Jin didn't 'let' him because he didn't know what Kame wanted from him but what did he expect? That they suddenly forget the true nature of the appointment?

I think, even though Kame figured out what was wrong and that Jin is NOT his ex and they're past the relating, he, in the end only did it differently but as bad as before. This time not with punishment but the true longing he still has for the person who <i>ruined his life</i> (btw, I loved Jin's sarcastic thoughts as usual!)
In the end, Jin is still just an object of projection, <just a whore</i> with no own personality, rights and humanly aspects (sorry, just can't let it go).

Dang, I'm sorry if this rant is kinda personal (is it? it feels like it) I maybe should comment less exhausted but your writing just awakens such strong feelings within me.

I read this because I like Akame ff’s but this just wants me for Kame to leave Jin the fuck alone!

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Awww, but Kame was trying so hard! *eg* Not saying how things progress from here :-P but we're pleased you're intrigued. Though if Kame stopped booking Jin, how would they ever get to know each other better and have such nice sophisticated dates? ;-)

Jin's life kind of does suck. We're actually glad that comes through; we both like whorefic (*cough*) and can be like, 'whee, whorefic, fun!', but we'd hate to obscure the fact that it can actually... well, really suck for the characters. So, you know, we're kind of glad you're not just letting that go, it's important.

but what did he expect? That they suddenly forget the true nature of the appointment?

That is such a good question. Kame is really sometimes not his own best friend, in how he... doesn't really have the same sort of perspective that sane people others might have....

Though on the other hand, well, he's had nice appointments with other escorts before. If he hadn't screwed Jin around so much (NO PUN INTENDED) beforehand, his expectation might not have been entirely unreasonable?

Personal rants are good, and we think every writer would be proud to hear that they evoke strong feelings! And, well, it's also a very emotive kind of subject? Like you say, there are questions of human dignity, decency and rights involved here.

We do hope you'll eventually come around on Kame and the leaving alone of Jin -- we're taking it as a challenge. :-) Thank you very much for this great comment, it really pleased us! (And we like a challenge sometimes.)

[silverrain184.livejournal.com]

of course their 'relationship' wouldn't progress if Kame'd leave Jin alone but at this point, it's not progressing in any good way anyway. I have absolutely no idea how you'll make them get to know each other! Dying of curiousity.

[ladyc2]

Very awkward.

Poor Kame! He really needs a friend (or a pyschiatrist) who he can be himself with and let go and not have to overthink/overanalyse everything. I'm wondering if Souji was at least a little mentally/emotionally abusive (I think I recall a couple of sentences in earlier chapters that made me think this - Souji being nasty about Kame's job - I may have to go and reread again). Kame seems to have such low self-esteem and constantly worried about what everyone thinks of him to a unhealthy degree.

I feel so sorry for him throughout this story. Even more so than Jin.

At least for Jin he has a path out. Everything bad that's happened to him is in the past (well except for Kame lol) and while his job now is clearly not something he likes or really wants to do, it is at least safe and is providing him money to eventually get out of his rotten life further down the track.

Kame, on the other hand, has really boxed himself into a corner and the only way he'll be able to get out is to totally ruin everything he's built up for himself - and yes it's mostly self-inflicted, but it's still sooo sad.

I liked Jin being a bit more assertive this chapter. Now he knows that he's got some control back he at least attempts a bit of small talk and questions Kame on what the hell he's doing when the sex isn't working (no doubt giving Kame yet another complex - as if he doesn't have enough things to worry about in that cute little head of his). And I liked how he was totally unsympathetic to Kame's "ruined" life lol - if only he could see inside Kame's head.

Once again can't wait for the next chapter.

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Yup, awkward. :-)

Your assessment of what Kame would need is a really good one. Too bad for him they don't really do therapy where he lives, and the rest is kind of his own fault.

You're also having good thoughts about Kame's ex. It's lazy of authors to overexplain themselves, but... yeah. You definitely remember right. And he's not the only factor in Kame being... like this... but he's definitely been a strong factor.

And isn't it interesting that Kame really in some ways is the sadder of the two? We kind of agree, actually, despite the suckiness of Jin's circumstances. And what you're saying about why is exactly right, in our opinion -- though we never realised this until it was all there on the page -- Jin's Crappy Life (tm) is about external circumstances and they can change, but Kame has really made his own bed there, and that makes it a far more systemic problem than being poor, pretty and homeless, you know?

We like assertive!Jin too! It felt like such a relief while writing, we can tell you that!

Thank you for this great feedback, this was lovely! Hopefully next week will be... fun... too. *g*

[carboncastel.livejournal.com]

Waah it's so frustrating. Here Kame is, practically baring his soul to a stranger and Jin just laughs. T_T Yes, Kame's past is not an excuse but it's not something to be sarcastic about. T_T (now you see how emotionally invested I am in this? xD)
Well, I guess each one is just too wrapped up in his own issues to care about anyone or anything else... So sad. :(

Thanks for this chapter. :D

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Ha ha, yes it's very frustrating. We feel your pain. Jin, on the other hand, doesn't. This rich guy has treated him like dirt and now he's playing the world's smallest violin about how ruined he is? Ha ha ha. (Um. We may be emotionally invested, too. ;D)

Having said that, you're totally right, of course, that wasn't a good move. If Jin had had a different knee-jerk reaction (or stayed on top of it), they might actually have had a chance to move towards resolving this thing. And Kame does deserve some sympathy, he's just turned Jin into somebody who has no reason to care.

Thank you for your comment, we love hearing that you are emotionally invested! :)

[ashurichan24.livejournal.com]

I keep thinking that Kame feels like he's insufficiant and he wants Jin but I think he might like him as a lover instead of a whore. I think he wants to be with Jin but doesn't know how to do it with him since he only thinks of Jin as a tool. But I feel that maybe Jin might snap and rape Kame

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Kame's feelings about Jin are pretty complicated and about to get more so. You're right that what Kame really needs is a lover, and we're really happy to see that you mention his lack of confidence: the guy is a sad bundle of insecurity right now. (Well, most of the time.)

It would definitely be good if he started thinking of Jin in a different way, but the way things went just now probably did not help that process along -- Kame clearly needs some help here and Jin's not the right quarter to look for it at this point.

Thank you for commenting! :-)

[jayeanne.livejournal.com]

loved this chapter a lot. :D the tension~ <3

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

We're happy to hear it. Yep, tense for all concerned. :-) Hope you like the next one too. Thank you for commenting!

[souleater-angel.livejournal.com]

I would've commented earlier but livejournal was being gay. I was so happy cuz I got to read your update from your website though! I'd had a hard day and it really helped.

I'm not going to lie, as awkward as the scene was, I found Kame's little almost date set-up very... cute, and I don't find a lot of things 'cute.' It may not have been meant to be cute exactly, but it made me smile.

I'm glad Kame finally did apologize to Jin, even though I don't think Jin took it entirely like it was meant, and didn't seem to have much of an opinion about him looking like Kame's ex-boyfriend. I figured Jin would infer some rare form of insanity out of that. But hey at least Kame made the effort to apologize. *pats him*

So Kame was not mean, not scary, not crazy, yet they still managed an incredibly awkward evening. It never turns out as planned. Every thing seems to prevent them from clicking at all.

Probably had more to say but I read this yesterday and probably forgot more amazingness in this chapter. Anyway this gets more and more interesting as it goes! As always looking forward to next week's update.

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

We think a gay LJ would have made it much easier for us to post our porn and others to read it. :-/ Why can't LJ be gayer? (Questions to be asked of the Russian overlords.)

Cute!! CUTE!!! -- Okay, so we agree. In a weird and twisted way. We love it when the boy gets all obsessive-compulsive about trying to have everything work *just right*, that perfectionist streak coming out to play. It's very sweet and so sincere. :D

A rare form of insanity... you do have a way with words! Guess Kame got lucky there then. Yeah, Jin couldn't really care less about the ex-boyfriend, not after all that's happened. He's still too busy rolling his eyes about all the ruin.

We're glad you find that it gets more and more interesting! Let's see how it goes next week and keep our fingers crossed for LJ being a little more gay and letting people post porn! *g*

[baka-lolli.livejournal.com]

Wow.. just wow. If there would be an award for the most awkward date ever this one would win for sure. ^^;
The funny thing is that Kame was really trying to make this perfect but he didn't realize that he tried so hard that everything looked just fake and forced in the end. Lost without a script like Jin observed so well and if Jin isn't scared to death for a change he's actually pretty smart and able to read the atmosphere and his client.
I have to admit even though I liked their roles before I still prefer Jin as the observer with his snarky remarks. *g*
Though they both have so many prejudices against each other that a common understanding seems to be impossible yet. Which got especially clear when Kame "apologized" and Jin started laughing because you just have to imagine yourself in Jin's shoes in order to understand how ridiculous that must have sounded and seriously it amused me somehow that he got back to that "ruined life" part every few sentences. xD
On the other hand Kame expected Jin to understand what he went through in the past as if Jin was one of us readers and also thought apologizing for the failed threesome more than anything was enough. I think he still didn't get what Jin is actually accusing him for.

If Jin would finally realize that rich people does have the same problems like everyone else or maybe even worse because they trapped themselves mentally in a certain state and Kame would finally see Jin as something beyond his terrible ex bf or a stupid whore without any manners, maybe they could have solved half of their problems already.

But there is hope after all because both started to care even though they don't want to admit it. Kame with booking Jin again and trying to do it differently this time and Jin with simply accepting it and also with his thinking rather unwillingly about past events and Kame's behavior in general.
But there is obviously still a lot of work to do for them and I'm very glad about it because it means more Thursdays to look forward to. <3

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

LOL yes, it's definitely a contender for 'most awkward date ever in the history of awkward dates'. But let's see if we can still outdo ourselves!

Reading your comment, we sometimes wondered if you were inhabiting our brains, tucked away in a little corner overhearing our thoughts. You nailed the problem with their interaction completely! Kame means well, but OMG does he overdo it. And of course he's so self-conscious. And Jin... it makes all the difference that he no longer has to be afraid.

We felt so bad for Kame in that apology scene. :-( But yeah, he had it coming, how could he imagine that Jin, with his history of poverty and homelessness, could sympathize with his ruin? Especially after how Kame treated him. And no, Kame doesn't quite get it. (Not yet.)

We're really happy that Jin's inner commentary amused you. Jin's amused too!

If Jin would finally realize that rich people does have the same problems like everyone else or maybe even worse because they trapped themselves mentally in a certain state and Kame would finally see Jin as something beyond his terrible ex bf or a stupid whore without any manners, maybe they could have solved half of their problems already.

Just as well you can't be available to give them relationship counselling, or the story would be over soon. ;-)

[natsukashi-yume.livejournal.com]

I can't remember all the comments I wanted to make on this, but omg, Kame finally told Jin and Jin was being a smug bastard and I actually felt bad for Kame until he became an ass too with the whole "don't move" thing. Haha, so conflicted with these two, and still in utter suspense about how this will turn out.

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Ah, a failing memory, so sad! And in such a young woman! ;-)

We're happy to hear about the suspense and all those conflicted feelings, though!

Hope you had a good trip! Welcome back! :-)

[ina]

I had stopped reading for a while, because my "I don't read installments" had caught up with me, but now I am up to date again and boy that was an interesting train ride yesterday. :D

So just wow! I am too lazy to go back to each specific chapter, sorry! But I am really glad that I could read it all in one go. Very very intense and I am glad that Kame at least finally figured out where his problem with Jin actually starts to begin. Not that he has solved it yet, but then this story would end much sooner. :D
I was also very thankful for the Tomo chapter which was a nice breather and glad that he took it so nicely.

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

We're pleasantly surprised to hear you're still/again reading. We hope you'll continue to enjoy! Thank you for commenting.

[pinacoladasips.livejournal.com]

Nothing happening there yet, Jin notes, but that's fair enough; probably preoccupied with his ruination and the strain of being normal.

Probably my most favorite line in the entire chapter; and this was a really, really good one.

To get back to your question, while I do enjoy slightly slutty and tart mouthed Kame, he felt out-of-character; I can't imagine Kame being that comfortable in his own skin, around Jin, or anywhere. I assume he'd be too afraid of hurting people, or fearing the reactions he would cause/have to face if he spoke out his mind so openly. Also, your other fics were mostly one shot pieces where the subtleties of the dynamics of Kame and Jin's relationship(or the gradual development of their relationship) weren't really explored to my content. Also the tension in this fic totally, totally works for me!

I'm sorry that it took me while to answer your question; I had to re-read some of your older fics.

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Hee, we're really glad you like that line, we were giggling to ourselves too when we were putting that in.

To get back to your question, while I do enjoy slightly slutty and tart mouthed Kame, he felt out-of-character; I can't imagine Kame being that comfortable in his own skin, around Jin, or anywhere. I assume he'd be too afraid of hurting people, or fearing the reactions he would cause/have to face if he spoke out his mind so openly.

That's a very interesting take! Kame in this story is certainly more abrasive (with Jin anyway) than we'd find plausible for 'canon' Kame. We guess we do see 'canon' Kame a pretty happy in his own skin, though, nowadays anyway, and that would involve not being worried all the time or shy about conversational give and take. We think he can be pretty badass...

Also, your other fics were mostly one shot pieces where the subtleties of the dynamics of Kame and Jin's relationship(or the gradual development of their relationship) weren't really explored to my content.

Yeah, that's true. We often pick just one moment/day in time, and in about half of them they're already together, so all the tension related to getting together is missing. Well, we're happy that this one fills the gap! :-)

I'm sorry that it took me while to answer your question; I had to re-read some of your older fics.

We hope it wasn't too painful! ;-)

Thank you for commenting, and for explaining to a couple of intrigued authors!

[pinacoladasips.livejournal.com]

We think he can be pretty badass...

I'm sorry for asking this here, but I'm intrigued. Why and how do you think Kame is/can be badass? I had this notion that badass!Kame was more of an.....idea, conceived by badass Kame wanting fangirls. I mean, Kame can pretend to be badass. Is he really badass, or will he ever have a Fuck You attitude for real? I tend to think that he's overly concerned with pleasing people, and he tends to take his responsibilities too seriously. If he is badass, according to me, that's probably a facade.

One of the reasons I'm fascinated with Kame is because he seems to be using facades all the time; it's like you've been his fan for 4 yrs. and you never really know the real him. I don't really know/understand his reasons for hiding his true self, and solving a mystery excites me, and that's a large chunk of the reason why I love this man. I know it sounds pretty shallow. :( Like he said in Hanamaru Cafe, he's full of imperfections/has a lot of complexes, and his need to conceal might be driven by his need to stay guarded, and protect himself, because he wounds so easily.

I love your fic for some of these reasons; it helps me explore Kamenashi's psyche, through what I believe is a near-accurate portrayal of him. The neurosis, the OCD-ness and that insane desire to be perfect and do things just right are what, to a large extent, characterize him in my mind.


But ofc,there can be a people-pleasing badass?

[haikuesque.livejournal.com]

Kame being badass -- it's an interesting one, because it made us think about what exactly it is that qualifies as 'badass'. And we think for us it comes down to 'competence plus attitude'.

Kame is a bossy guy, and someone very competitive, who really likes to *win* and likes being good at things. If you pair that with the right attitude and good healthy self-confidence and just a touch of flair, you get 'badass'. (If you pair it with a bundle of insecurities and self-esteem issues, you get 'edgy' - depending on timeline, we've written this Kame too, and whoreverse!Kame is based on him.)

So yes, 'people-pleasing badass' is totally possible, nothing wrong at all with being badass. (Only a problem with being a messed-up wreck...)

That we see him this way has mostly got to do with the way he has developed in the last few years, gaining so much self-confidence. But it does shade back into the earlier years too - we've seen interviews where Kame gets called 'bratty' and he seems to have been pretty outspoken for a while. Until the great shutdown of 2005.

When we first got into the fandom, we mainlined 2005-2007 video, and during that time, Kame seemed very guarded, almost desperate to please sometimes, and very very stressed out. And yes, fake - it was one of our earliest impressions of him too, and it really does show in our stories that are based on earlier Kame, like Deep Water is.

Nowadays, we basically think that while he wants, and likes, to please (we totally agree with you on that!), that's the job. Of course, two people can look at the same piece of footage and interpret it totally differently! But to us, he seems to be just much happier and more confident, with a sense of humour and the ability to actually relax about stuff, too. Also, he is essentially fearless. Or - perhaps better put - he's totally able to overcome any fear he might have. That's already pretty badass all in itself.

He'll still always be a bossy OCD competitive perfectionist, but he doesn't seem to be driving himself that crazy about it these days.

(We approve of that. *g*)