haikusociety | 9 1/2 Weeks - 28 - (Week 7 1/2: Monday)

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Week 7 1/2: Monday

It's the same muggy grey all around when Jin sinks into the leather seat of Kame's car, humidity sticking along his back. Each blink scrapes over his eyes, none of the sensations fitting together.

"Good morning," Kame says.

Jin shivers once when the aircon hits him. "Morning. Did you bring coffee?"

Kame looks him over, crisp like fresh paper. Jin's the free daily someone dropped on the floor of a subway car.

Jin hasn't slept enough.

"You didn't have any?" Kame asks, and what, and oh, right. Coffee.

"I got back from work three hours ago." Words are troublesome in his mouth. "You could have brought coffee." Really, Kame could be more appreciative. Jin's even changed into that clean shirt.

Kame pulls out of the spot in front of Jin's building, his hands sure on the steering wheel. It's quiet in here. Quiet and shut up.

"He knows we're coming, right?" Jin checks.

"He knows I'm coming," Kame says. "You're the early morning special."

People's little treat. Sundays, early mornings, whatever your craving.

He starts tapping his foot. Too quiet. Outside there's rain, and Jin can't hear a thing, like his senses are off. He's dreading this whole business a little, and isn't even sure why. He did nothing wrong.

"I'm sorry for what I said about your work yesterday," Kame says. He doesn't look at Jin, and that's okay, because Jin is fine sneaking glances at the tight set of Kame's mouth, his immaculate suit. "It is a responsibility, of course. I shouldn't have said that."

Jin sticks his hands in his pockets, because his fingers are cold from the night. "Are you apologizing because you're sorry or because you're worried I'll blow it with Kimura?"

"Well," Kame says, eyes ahead. But there's a nervous blink. Jin thinks of Koki, and cats, and almost smiles. "I don't want you to blow it with Kimura. But I do understand about responsibility."

Yeah, Jin can't pretend he doesn't know that. "So do you want to tell me more about what you want out of me, or is the point that I shouldn't know?"

Now there's a twitch of the mouth. "Just be yourself. Be natural. Tell it to him like it is."

Be natural. Himself. Right. That's always good for a disaster or two.

The shop front has changed from a couple of weeks ago – now it's Kimura in one of the slick camera advertisements he's been doing for decades now, and Kusanagi with the new drama Jin heard about on TV when he was tracking Koki's sizzling cat. He plays a widower who finds new love and raises horses somewhere.

Kame ignores the store altogether, presses a bell by the door beside it, and after some interrogation they get buzzed in.

The hallway's very bland. The door where Kame stops is, too, until he rings again and a girl in jeans and blazer opens, and behind her lies a wide studio. She and Kame bow at each other, clearly acquainted.

Jin tries to look harmless and ignore her hidden staring. He recognizes that; she thinks she knows him from somewhere, but can't remember. Great.

Kimura-senpai is waiting for them in one of three triangular armchairs, ostensibly reading a newspaper. Jeans, white shirt, cardigan. When he stands up, a tension goes through Kame, and snaps all the way through Jin.

"Good morning," he says. He gives Jin a curious glance, but even that seems measured, exactly as much surprise as they're supposed to see.

He must be around fifty. He's got a few strategic lines of grey, and Jin can't remember finding him this attractive, or this intimidating. Maybe he just got grander with age. Maybe Jin got smaller.

He bows, and mentally thanks Kame for insisting on the shirt.

"This is a little unexpected," Kimura says. "Yui-chan, can we get some coffee, please?"

Five minutes ago, Jin would have been supremely grateful. Now he's quite awake.

"Thank you very much," Kame says, sketching another bow. There's a tense moment where nobody moves, until Kimura raises a soft hand and invites them to sit.

Jin hates this armchair. It's worse than wicker, the kind that either makes you look nervous as you perch on the edge or swallows you up.

Somehow, Kame sits quite straight. Attentive, but not like he's fourteen and spilled something in the changing room. "I brought you something you should see," he says, producing a small envelope from some inside pocket.

Kimura ignores it. "Akanishi-kun, how are you? I didn't know the two of you were talking."

"Well, we..." Jin gives Kame a quick look but then stops that, because it doesn't make him any less unsettled. "I'm fine."

They reassure each other that their families are fine, too, that's normal, just standard. The walls are full of artistic versions of SMAP covers, except the side that says ONLY ONE in a red and white mosaic of face pictures. The girl brings them coffee.

When she's gone, Kimura focuses on Kame. "I'm listening, then."

Kame doesn't look at Jin more than out of the corner of his eyes, but Jin feels his attention anyway. "About five years ago, KAT-TUN's Nakamaru Yuuichi got himself into some trouble. Jin's here because he spoke to Nakamaru-san. He'll tell you what he said."

It's quiet. Okay, cue. Jin's palms are sweating. "Right. Um. Nakamaru had a girlfriend. She was kind of intense. They did some stuff together that wasn't entirely legal and then— someone found out. They blackmailed him and made him quit KAT-TUN."

Kimura gives Kame a sharp, uncomfortable look, and something in Jin spreads, hot and urgent, straight past his nervousness and out around Kame. It's an old, old feeling.

"And he was told to blame Kame," Jin finishes. "That's why he said what he said."

Kimura doesn't blink. But he reaches for his coffee, as the first among them, and Jin can't read the next look that Kame gets.

Kame opens the envelope and slides the picture across the small table, face-down, movie-style. "Jin asked Nakamaru for a photo. This was the woman."

Kimura puts his coffee down, flips the picture over. He stares for a moment, and Jin remembers the photobooth effects, and then Kimura's face turns to stone.

"You recognize her," Kame says. It's not a question.

Kimura is thinking hard about his answer. Jin can tell as much, even if he has no idea what's going on.

"Yes," Kimura says eventually. "I recognize her."

Jin can see the slow slump in Kame's shoulders from here.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"He doesn't know?" Kimura. Still stony. He's dropped the picture on the table. Face-down.

Kame shakes his head curtly. "I don't share your business around."

And Jin thinks, liar, because Kame doesn't tell anybody anything, and Jin was nobody but a guy in a small room for weeks. But he doesn't mind, feels strangely happy that he knows Kame is lying when Kimura doesn't.

Kimura turns to Jin. Courtesy, that's what his face shows there. "A few years ago, I met a young woman and had an affair. Julie Fujishima thought this gave her power over the group, but my band mates and I found ourselves in agreement that we were too old for her games." They told Julie to shove it, is what he means.

"That's why you left the company."

Kimura nods. "I confessed my mistake to my wife and she was kind enough to forgive me. It greatly diminished the blackmail value of Julie's information. And we left. We wanted nothing to do with those sorts of company politics."

His eyes graze Kame again, and this time the bubbling feeling in Jin is just a shallow reflex.

"It wasn't just you," Kame says. "I didn't realize there was a connection before, but whoever that woman is, she was hired by Julie, I'm sure of it. I'm looking for her now. And I'll find her, with your help."

Kimura weighs that slowly, but then he ignores Kame. "Why are you helping him?" he asks Jin instead.

"I'm just telling the truth," Jin shrugs. "As much of it as I know, anyway."

"He didn't help you."

"How was he supposed to help me?" Jin shrugs again, but sweatily. This is the part he can blow. "We weren't even... we didn't talk. I managed that all on my own."

"I know you weren't selling. But that's never stopped the company from holding on to someone."

True, that. There's a home for the middling and the meek, and Jin never quite believed they'd really kick him out, until the day he got the call. First from the company, then Warner.

"The boss didn't want to know me after I got married," he says. "And then I didn't bring in the cash to make up for it." Simple story, business. And still his nerve is failing and he's feeling hot and embarrassed. "I didn't sell, and I lost the fans."

Giving them not an inch more than he was willing to give. Uncompromising. Back then he thought that was a good word.

Kimura walked away too, but he's been making music all this time and owns a loft and god knows what. Jin shifts on his man-eating armchair, hunched and small. He came to tell the truth, but he didn't think it would be this truth, all over again.

Kimura gives Kame an unreadable look. "You think it was that simple?"

Jin's own goddamn truth.

Oh. And Kimura-senpai meant him. "How would I know," he says helplessly. "Maybe they had fifteen meetings about it. But I'm pretty sure Kame wasn't in them." What does Kimura want, Kame's itinerary from nine years ago? It would probably say busy, right next to Jin's which said blank.

Kimura goes silent, a tiny nod there. Yeah, good. Maybe he gets it, maybe he remembers just how much say you got out of being in a Johnny's band.

"Thank you for bringing this," Kimura gestures towards the photo, "to our attention, Akanishi-kun."

"No problem." Right. Wait, what. Who's we now?

Kimura leans forward, elbows on his knees, giving Kame his polite attention. "Would you like to make the meeting private, Kamenashi-kun? I believe we have things to discuss."

What?

Jin whips his head around and catches the smallest of ripples on Kame's face, thoughts after thoughts. But then it's closed.

"Yes," Kame says. "Thank you." He turns to Jin with a blank, polite face, and he looks young like a Junior. "Jin, could you go and please wait in the car? I'll be down shortly." He pulls out the keys, BWM logo dangling and falling cold into Jin's hand.

Please.

"Of course," Jin says. And of course, he doesn't even know why he's surprised when nothing about this is surprising.

He rises, and gives Kimura a meticulously respectful bow. He didn't come here to ruin Kame's game at the last minute. "Thank you for listening," he says politely, because that's what you do when you're nobody. How good he could be of service.

The girl sees him to the door. Jin thanks her, too. Then he finds his way out.

He sits in the car on the passenger side and his eyes hurt, and he's trembling, probably from the fucking fatigue.

He didn't even sleep. Just came here because Kame called, right after his shift. From Tokyo Dome to nights in boxes. He lives in a box and he works in a box, and he can go right on doing that for the next five, ten, twenty years, and he's not good enough for meetings.

He sinks low as he can in the leather, lets the car cushion him. Grey and damp outside, and his heart is pounding and it won't slow down. Just won't slow down.

He should be happy his word counts for something. Important contribution, like the guy who brings the snacks. Don't underestimate the snacks.

The rain's turned to drizzle which comes to die in a wet film on the windows. He doesn't even want music. He's so tired.

Shortly. That's what Kame said. Jin watches the raindrops on their trails down the window. Starts wondering which ones will get to the edge first, the small ones or the fat ones or the ones that slip together on their way down. He takes bets with himself, winners and losers.

Maybe some uncompromising geniuses too.

Shortly, and Kame will drive him home, and he can sleep, and keep his brain from spinning like this.

He watches the rain. At least he's got entertainment.

He hits his knees on the glove compartment when the driver's door is yanked open. Kame drops in with unusual clumsiness. The door bangs shut again, and he's got Kame staring straight at him. Kame with horrible humidity hair and thin, stressed lips.

It's quiet. The car and all, Jin thinks. And the rain.

"Thank you for waiting," Kame says.

Jin nods. Sure. No problem. What's a bit of waiting.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to argue with him. I didn't mean to send you out, that wasn't supposed to go like this. I just… I didn't want to disagree with him."

Yeah. Sure. Jin figured. Nice to have confirmation, though. "Did it help you?" Really nice.

Kame leans back and exhales so loudly that it shows as fog on the window. "Yes. You were perfect. We haven't got it all figured out yet but this really made a difference. Thank you."

Jin stares ahead and nods again. "Take me home."

The car comes on almost straight away, and with it cool air and a soothing hum. Kame's taken them down to the main road when Jin feels the knot in his chest easing.

He watches the windscreen wipers. Fwop, fwop, fwop, fwop, like a hypnotizing watch.

"I'm trying to bring them back into the company," Kame says, and Jin can hear his own pulse, just one beat, wham. "I can offer them a deal, a good one, and they're doing well but they can do better with us. But Kimura stopped trusting me somewhere along the line."

Wow. "Why do you want to get them back?"

"Because we'll also do better with them. And it'll make me look good. Julie chased them away. I bring them back." There's a tight smile on Kame's lips. "And chances for that just improved a whole fucking lot."

It explains the meetings, Kame skulking about this part of town. "And the girl?"

"The girl is the key, she's my proof. Julie tried to use her to control SMAP and drove them away, and she used her to get rid of Yucchi. Nobody will like that. I just need to find that woman and get her to admit it all."

Good. All great, and Jin is glad. But mostly he wishes he had an aspirin, as the fist in his brain is dissolving.

"Kimura is pissed off," Kame says, sounding like he found something sparkling in his Lucky Bag. Jin finds himself smiling.

It's not far now. Five minutes maybe. A drizzle outside, and Jin thinks of a storm, and how quiet the car is. Kame's steady driving. However little Kame's slept, it doesn't show. Kame just has focus.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure," Jin says. "Just tired."

"You can sleep soon," Kame says. His hands are sure on the wheel. Jin remembers what they smell like, and how last time they itched for a smoke. For Jin.

Sleep.

"Thanks for explaining," Jin says. "I didn't think you… I didn't think we'd talk about all that." He doesn't even look over but he feels Kame's glance. "I know I don't need to know."

"You don't," Kame says, but there's warmth in his voice, warmth that seeps into Jin like his skin is nothing. "And we're all on our guard, more and more. It's complicated."

Some things aren't.

Some things are just heat and force and burn, his head clear of all, of himself. It's floating around his head, that blankness. Everything easy.

He'd do it for Kame right in the car if Kame just took it all out of his head.

Kame pulls up at the curb. Jin's building is up ahead, grey as the sky as the street as the sun.

"Thank you again," Kame says, but he makes no move to unbuckle his seat belt. "I'm sorry for adding to your long night."

"You're not coming up?"

Kame is fumbling in his pocket. Cigarettes. He's focused, he didn't hear how high Jin's voice got. "No. I have to get back to the company while this is hot." He's got a lighter too, but doesn't do anything while Jin is still sitting here.

Of course. This is urgent, and business.

It burns behind Jin's eyes, urgent. Everything he wants and everything Kame could do, right here with his hands and his cock and his heat.

But he can't say it. He can't say it.

"I'll call you," Kame says, nodding encouragingly. "Like usual."

Jin gets out of the car, like a grown-up. Says goodbye, ignores the rain, makes it up the stairs on two left feet, and when his door closes, everything is quiet except the noise in his head.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

abyssinian13.livejournal.com

i love apologetic kame in the morning..jin must love it too, he's just tired from work to appreciate it..and he did like it the second time kame apologized for making him leave after giving info on the girl..

it must have been a bit hard for jin to see kimura still successful though his out of johnny's..and having to tell what happened to his career in front of a respected senpai must have been embarrassing..but i'm really happy that he believes that kame wasn't part of the people who decided to kick him out..

so it was kimura after all..

-"Kimura is pissed off," Kame says, sounding like he found something sparkling in his Lucky Bag. Jin finds himself smiling.- --cute..and now kimura x kame are now off making plans to find the mystery girl..and SMAP is coming back to johnny's to make kame look good and get back at julie..nice work, kame..and its still morning..

-It burns behind Jin's eyes, urgent. Everything he wants and everything Kame could do, right here with his hands and his cock and his heat.

But he can't say it. He can't say it.- --just say it..

thanks for the update!!!

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